Lacrosse has started and I am loving every minute I get to coach these girls! They are so great! We are currently 7-1! I am a proud coach! We have a game today against Holy Angels... I am looking to be 8-1 by the end of the night! However, if we are 7-2 and the girls played their hearts out I will still be a proud coach!
Besides Lacrosse I have also been trying to finish up a book. It is "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young.
This book in the beginning was pretty good... then you kind of hit a dry spot... but I pushed through! So I am on chapter 14 and these last few chapters I have read have been revealing many things in my heart... which I love and don't love at the same time.
I am going to copy the high lighted sections in my book that I thought just summed up my heart ( in this part of the book Mack; the main character... is talking to God):
"Life hurt you. Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you and only you have to depend on yourself. But it's a dark place isn't it?" "So Dark," Mack muttered with shake of his head.
"But are you willing to give up the power and safety it promises you? Thats the question."
"What do you mean?" asked Mack, looking up at her.
"Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. Through your little fortress of lies you try to run your life and manipulate others. But the fortress needs walls, so you build some. These are justifications for your lies. You know, like you are doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain. Whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies."
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"The real reason is that you were afraid of having to deal with the emotions you might encounter, both from her and in yourself. Emotions scare you, Mack. You lied to protect yourself, not her!"
"So what do I do now?"
"You tell her Mackenzie. You face the fear of coming out of the dark and tell her, and ask for forgiveness and you let her forgiveness heal you. Ask her to pray for you, Mack. Take the risks of honesty. When you mess up again, ask for forgiveness again. It's a process, honey, and life is real enough with out having to be obscured by lies. And remember, I am bigger than your lies. I can work beyond them. But that doesn't make them right and doesn't stop the damage they do or the hurt they cause others."
"What if she doesn't forgive me?" Mack knew that this was indeed a very deep fear that he lived with. It felt safer to continue to throw new lies on the growing pile of old ones.
a post that was never finished... enjoy
