I want to set the World on fire, until it's burning bright for you.
My eyes fill with tears right now. I am crying because I feel like anyone can hold me back from achieving this goal of setting the World on fire with the Love of Christ. I am selfish. I don't give the people in my life enough credit for how the Lord uses them. I refuse to. It is not easy for me to tell my closest friends how much I appreciate them. I know I am blessed beyond belief. Yet I am selfish. I want to lead. I want all credit to go to the Lord. I don't like letting people in. It is easier for me to give credit to someone I barely know for allowing the Lord to use them than it is to tell my soul friends that. Sounds pretty screwy to me. Sometimes I want to sit in the darkest parts of my heart. As of recently the Lord doesn't really allow me to do that... because well he basically shed light in all the dark places... perfect. However... I still try.
But let's be real. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Nothing can take me away from the will of God. I could choose to do that myself but no one can do that to me. The blinders have been removed from my heart and eyes. I am now alive because I have seen beyond my fears. Fears that I became a slave to. I can set the world on fire. I was made in the image of my creator and all His GREATNESS. WHOOAAA! How wicked awesome is that!?!? SO. Wicked AWESOME. (done with the caps).
This Blog is scattered because there is high and lows I am going through currently.
I am selfish. I hate it. I despise this selfishness. I need to rid myself of it.
Mentality: Once a leader always a leader.
False.
Not when it comes to relationships. You should look to the man to lead. SO hard for me to do. Good news. I am getting better at it. Still tough. I just feel so selfish sometimes.
Obviously something I need to pray about. All in all I am selfish in my thoughts and in my heart. Selfish because I don't believe that I am more talented than I really am. Selfish because I don't believe enough in myself to actually set the world on fire. Selfish because I don't want to share the credit. Selfish because I want to lead. Selfish because I don't allow my dearest of friends into my heart. Yuck.
I will be praying about this. And hopefully! In blogs to come we will see freedom from the shackles of selfishness.
Friends that walk with me in the Garden of my Heart: Panda, Jess, Ally
"True.Love.Forever"
i hope you realize, my dear, how great it is that you are acknowledging these things! so many people would either remain oblivious or simply live in denial, driven by selfish preservation.
ReplyDeletethis is showing your strength.
and your eagerness to grow...and the Lord sees that..and He WILL respond!
i'm praying for you, my lovely girl!
ps, i really like that you used the word, "screwy" :)
yes. there is healing and redemption in confession.
ReplyDeleteas jess said, there is such power in your writing this.
your mere confession is the first of many steps in your journey.
i am so excited for you. i am blown away by the ways in which the LORD has begun to reveal your heart to those closest to you.
you have not reached the end yet, and that's okay. there is so much beauty in that rawness.
wow what vulnerability! AMAZING! love it!
ReplyDeleteyou will find freedom in this my love. The Lord is going to work huge in this area of your life. Thank you for being so honest. These dark areas will have light upon them. Soon it will be a blessing and a joy for you to allow us in and allow others to lead, not a burden.
i will be praying for your heart in this!